An open letter to Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger:

Dear Arnold:

Where the HELL is my unemployment check?

Look, I have been good to you. I have stayed away from bashing you with the power of the Crackpot Press. Why? I really thought you were gonna be able to work things out in the government and I was pretty happy and complacent kinda guy. Also, you have been a supporter of my Kid’s charity, so I cut you some slack. But let’s face it. You have failed. This time it’s personal.

Since being let go from my job in December, my situation has changed. Me not so complacenty anymore. I want to know one thing. WHERE IN THE HELL IS MY UNEMPLOYMENT CHECK?

Getting a simple unemployment check used to be easy. You call or go into the office and after a few weeks they start coming in regularly. Now, you fill out a claim online and hopefully you will start getting checks and forms regularly. Sure, it’s not much money but it keeps the lights on and the COBRA paid.

Six to eight weeks after being let go I got my first. There was some problem establishing my identity. HUH? I worked, you have the records. PAY ME.

It used to be (last time I was out of work was 2001), you got the check on Monday like clockwork. When it was time to return the form you get a check one week later right on time. So now with the Unemployment offices closed on every other Friday (presumably when the checks were mailed) payment has yet to be received.

Don’t bother calling, I learned this earlier in the month. When calling the EDD all you get is a mundane informational message that goes on for a while. It ends with the words “Please call back later” then they hang up on you. Is the check coming? Let me know. I saw an Elmo costume for $50 on Craig's List the other day and I live walking distance to the Chinese Theater. CHA-CHING!

I’ve learned that there has been a ton of layoffs at the unemployment office. In fact, they are running on fumes, something like 75% of the staff has been shitcanned, by you.

Now you have forced the remaining employees to take every other Friday off… when my check is supposed to go out. Guess what, it hasn’t come. No notification, nothing.

You were an actor, you know all about unemployment. But perhaps you have forgotten that Unemployment IS MY MONEY! Now actors are crafty people, we all know you should never loan money to an actor.  But Arnold, I am on to you. The late checks and the little “identity” problem (that was resolved with no explanation) all spell out one thing.

You are floating checks.

Sure, we’ve all done it. We’re a little broke so you cash a small check to cover you until some cash flow comes in. You hope the dollars will show up in your account before the check actually cashes.

Now you have announced 10,000 more state employees are the getting the pink slip. These will be firemen, the woman from the DMV and, yes, the people who process the unemployment checks! This is your solution? You have done this in the past and obviously, it hasn’t worked. Crap, if you had gone after the ENRON, we would probably have a coupla extra bucks. Unfortunately, you pussed out.

So here is my suggestion, pink slip the ENTIRE California State Assembly and yourself.

You know why? YOU’RE NOT DOING YOUR JOB! Spend your day scrounging through the various Online Universities masquerading as job sites. Maybe you should break out The Terminator costume and hit Hollywood and Highland for the day.

You know who WAS doing their job well? THE GUY PROCESSING THE UNEMPLOYEMENT CHECKS IN 2001!

So to quote GOODFELLAS, “Fuck you, pay me.”

Oh and if someone is reading this laughing at Californians with their Movie Star actor and fabulous winter weather; keep in mind one thing.

As goes California, so goes the rest of the nation.

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