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The Ugliest World Series
Written by Dave Howard   

I’m a terrible fan, I like the Dodgers, the Giants, the A’s and the Angels.  But I am a fan of the sport and I’ll have the Phillies vs. Marlins (if that’s all there is) on while doing chores and what not. In my life, I have rooted for the Braves, due to a girl I met in the 90’s and for Houston because of a woman I married in the 2000’s.  But then it all changed and somehow the two biggest asshole teams are facing each other in the World Series.

 

And I need to root for someone, because I love the World Series.

Up until Game 4, it seemed like an easy choice. I root for the Braves, at least they (unlike the Astros) beat the Dodgers fair and square in the post season to advance to the World Series. But then there is also the Tomahawk Chop, an enduring symbol of the racism of Atlanta. Then you start seeing 90% white faces at the ball game. And then the preferred president of all racists, Donald J. “I need to rally support in Georgia” Trump shows up at the Game to enjoy mocking the original citizens of this country to rally his own troops (yes, it’s an actual militia). I mean the guy spent his life at Yankee Stadium. He told his minions that he was invited by MLB, but he wasn’t.

And the Astros are cheaters. Which is too bad, because I liked them fine before that. Granted only two of the cheaters are still on the team, but still they faced ZERO punishment from Major League Baseball for their cheating. If they had received a harsher punishment from MLB, this would be a great redemption story.  But they are cheaters, got away with it, showed no remorse.

And the real problem with the cheating is that they were probably good enough to win without it. Or were they? Guess we will never know.

Dusty Baker Astros ManagerI think the Astros are trying to right their ship and the Braves organization is not racist at heart. And they both have a baseball legends that deserve to have a World Series ring as managers. The first is Houston manager, Dusty Baker, who has won a World Series ring as a member of the Dodgers. He is also credited with giving the first high five. He Is one of 4 black managers to coach a World Series Team. But he’s a character too and throwback to old school baseball, coaching with his gut (which has cost him in the past) while listening the ways of the future.

Then there is Ron Washington, also a 50+ year veteran of the game. He was

the head coach of the two ill-fated Texas Rangers World Series bids, but also played a large part in developing players for the Oakland A’s during the Moneyball teams.

 

So we have two wes

And since there was no justice, the Astros continue to be cheaters. Even with good ol’ Dusty behind the wheel. t coasters (well, kind of) playing against each other for the title. Two guys who are very deserving, are men of character, two who have made a huge impact on the game. But I am leaning towards Ron Washington, because at the end of the day they beat the Dodgers fair and square. Even if their fans are Trump loving racists.  But to win over a racist, you need to show them the greateness of the people they oppose.

 
Tales From the Digital Underground
Written by Killing Joke   

ImageRare is the occasion that Crackpot Press staff members go out for a random concert; at least it is in the opinion of one who loves music as much as I do.  More rare is the random out of nowhere suggestions for live performances of acts you haven’t even thought of in 10 years, but if you haven’t figured this out by now, it is the nature of this publication.

 

 

 
25 Fun Facts About Teen Dream: MEAT LOAF
Written by Greg Mills   

     

    TWENTY FIVE FUN FACTS ABOUT TEEN DREAM: MEAT LOAF

    1. Due to copyright reasons, Meat Loaf is know as Mr. Hot Dog Water in Taiwan.

    2. In 1982, Meat Loaf bought a sponge urinated on by Cheryl Tieggs from a private collector.

    3.Meat Loaf enjoys repeatedly grunting his own stage name, “Meat Loaf”, during the physical act of love

    4.Meat Loaf holds a certificate in Unix Server Administration from the University of

    6.Meat Loaf beat a hog to death with a shovel on a Brazilian TV variety show.

    7. Meat Loaf has the 2nd largest collection of dream catchers in the world.

    8. Meat Loaf will leave the room at the mention of Sheri Lewis and Lambchop.

    9. Vaclav Havel credits a smuggled Czech language transcription of the “Bat Out of Hell” lyric sheet for his emotional survival in prison.

    10. Meat Loaf and Steve Perry routinely sing into each others mouths like Eskimos.

    11. Once a year, a be-veiled Meat Loaf lays a single white rose on the grave of Burt Convey.

    12. Despite being a heterosexual, Meat Loaf appears as the celebrity spokesperson for the Glory Hole Safety Project’s “Know What You’re Getting Into” campaign.

    13. In his role as front man of Parliament Funkedelic, Meat Loaf goes by the pseudonym “George Clinton”

    14.  Meat Loaf has beaten the living crap out of Henry Rollins a total of four times.

    15. Meat Loaf is afraid of bees.

    16. The last word to be uttered by Prince Rainier of Monaco was “Meat Loaf”.

    17. Meat Loaf thinks PCP dealers are the scum of the earth.

    18. Meat Loaf prays to a giant Soviet surplus statue of Lenin. He knows it is only a statue, but he finds it helps him focus.

    19. Meat Loaf runs errands on a pennyfarthing bicycle.

    20. Meat Loaf molts in autumn.

    21. Exposure to gamma radiation briefly transformed Meat Loaf into a large pulsing orb of plasma. He is now sterile.

    22. In a restaurant without a name in downtown Tokyo, Meat Loaf regularly enjoys a steaming bowl of undifferentiated human embryonic stem cells over rice.

    23. Meat Loaf is working on a song cycle based on the Scott Baio TV vehicle “Charles in Charge”.

    24. The city government of London has developed a highly effective self esteem program for disadvantaged youth based on the life of Meat Loaf.

    25. Meat Loaf angry. Meat Loaf smash.

     

     

 
MID WEEK VIRAL: He Said It First
Written by Administrator   

Progress! John McCain has made the taboo mainstream!

An experiment is what language means.

In my day there was one word we couldn't say. Over the years the woman's main orifice has been described in mainstream conversations and on TMZ! as:


 

 
GMA Desperate fror Celebs
Written by Dave Howard   

So desperate to sex up the Sun Valley fire, GMA shows this graphic. Can you see a bloated celeb list?

GMA Celeb List

 
The True Meaning of the 4th of July
Written by Administrator   

INT. BURGER JOINT 1988

Two teenagers are working. Lisa, the 18ish blondish, white booted, white tanked, white lip glossed cashier starts dancing to “4th of July” by X on the radio. Dave, with drooping bangs he would kill for 20 years later, sweats over a burgerless grill, trying to remove the meat that gets in between the grill thingies. Fruitless, he smokes it. All of it.

LISA

‘Are they singing “Hey Baby, It’s the 4th of July” Cause that’s today.

DAVE

You know they aren’t all that happy….in fact…

LISA

(Flouncing)

HEEEEEY. BABY IT”S THE FOURTH OF JULY!

Dave cleans grill, realizing it will be five years before he can buy her wine coolers. Window's gone. He'll never reach her.

 

 

 

 
Ah, Time for the Playoffs
Written by Dave Howard   

 

Ah, the debates.

It’s awesome that they are taking place on the last day of a very dramatic MLB season. Especially with the Bay Area hippy A’s facing off with George Bush’s Texas Redneck Super Christian Rangers, who have lost the last two world series.

Politics is similar to baseball.

 
No Deal.No Fans. No Monday Night.
Written by Dave Howard   


I am kind of ashamed of myself.
I am Pro-Union.
I supported the WGA strike.
I was shocked at the Union Busting in Wisonsin.
I was on Team Coco.
I don't read HuffPo anymore because they the prime example of why we need unions. One person makes 100s of millions by exploiting her "employees"

Yet, I haven't gotten behind the refs.I am now.

 
Why the HELL does Mitt Romney Keep Coming to California?
Written by Dave Howard   

Mitt Romney has been spending a lot of time in California. No GOP presidential candidate, let alone a president, has spent this much time on California streets since Reagan died. If they visit Northern California they are burned in effigy or have their motorcades because of their despicable record on AIDS and civil rights. If they visit Southern California they are treated with more blasé than the first three innings of a Dodgers game. As Conan points out, we know REAL famous people and don’t need him. We don’t even need Obama when we have Gwen Stefani, Jack Nicholson and Bob Saget?

 
Experimental Marionette Troupe to Launch U.S. Tour
Written by Greg Mills   
Image
San Francisco Mayor,Gavin Newsome, is taking his show on the road.

The improvising puppet ensemble, "John Cage Memorial Marionette Touring Theatre" will take off next week on 135-city U.S. tour of abandoned copier shops. This report came from Gavin Newsome, former pole dancer and mayor of San Francisco. Newsome, recently shamed by an illicit affair with former mayor Willy Brown's hat, has left his post as mayor and decided to act as tour manager/dresser for this ground breaking tour.

 
Own it Baby!
Written by Administrator   

After having some time to reflect on the RNC convention, the biggest quote to stick with me was Jeb Bush’s “Mr. President stop blaming my brother… A real leader takes responsibility.”

 

What a flaming piece of dog doo.

Every Presidency has had scores and misses, some more so than others.  Jeb Bush obviously doesn’t know much about American history because to my knowledge only two Presidents in my lifetime have ever taken ownership of bad times.

Let’s review some great American Presidential “ownership” moments from my lifetime.

 

 
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